New Round of Rad Mom Group Coaching!

We are quickly filling up.  Get after it!

Rad Moms:

  • Does your life feel completely out of balance?
  • Have you lost touch with whom you are as an individual?
  • Do you feel stuck or unsatisfied with the way things have been going?
  • Having trouble with planning and staying organized?
  • Ready to take back control of your life and become more fulfilled?

 

It’s time to take positive action to living a more fulfilled and joyful life, ladies.  Let’s do this.

 

The Rad Mom Coach is launching the next  6-week program for moms who answered yes to any of the questions above.  And it’s all done on the phone from the privacy of your home.  You don’t even have to wear pants!

Regularly priced at $450, six of you will join the program for only $249.  That’s less than $42 per session.  Crazy cheap.

The program includes:

  • Six, 1-hour phone group sessions with 5-7 other mothers who know exactly how you are feeling.
  • One, 30-min INDIVIDUAL coaching session to help you clarify how you want to live with more balance and fire for life.
  • Weekly workbooks to help you dig into what makes you joyful and to set goals towards living with more balance.
  • A private Facebook group designed for the six mommas to support and interact with one another between and after sessions. This group will remain in place if mommas want to plan to stay in touch or continue your relationships after we finish up.
  • Accountability to help you actually follow through with the actions that you want to take in your life.

 

Each session will have a general topic and the freedom to talk about anything on our mom’s minds.  Topics covered include:

  • How to reconnect with yourself and become clear on your vision for your life.
  • How to take charge and become the driver of your life instead of the passenger.
  • How to find a healthy balance and practice self-care (say what?!).
  • How to make your schedule work for you.
  • How to eliminate barriers that have been getting in your way.
  • And one session where the group decides what to work on!

If you are interested in joining the group, contact Kacey Kaufman, CPC, LCSW-R, ELI-MP aka The Rad Mom Coach at (kacey@theradmom.com) or reply to this message.  We will then schedule a short phone call where we will decide if you are a good match for the group.  Don’t procrastinate because the group should fill up quickly!

 

It’s Okay to Let it Go

One thing that is so wonderfully therapeutic about writing a coaching/parenting blog is that I have regular opportunities to choose topics that benefit more than just my Rad Moms. As a WAHM, I, too, find myself challenged by some of the same issues that I hear my coaching moms say during our sessions. When I decide to write about a certain topic, I ask myself, “What do I need to hear right now?”. Chances are that I’m not alone in needing to hear these reminders, especially during the holiday season.

 

I love the holidays. LOVE them. I soak up the warmth and generous spirit and energy of it all. But with that being said, there seems to be so many obligations that come along with celebrating the season. Moms are crazy busy as it is. Like, “how the hell am I going to get all of this sh#% done” crazy January to November. December?  Oh hell no.

 

Along with these obligations, complicated emotions easily stuffed down from Jan-Nov seem to pop right to the Let things go postersurface during this time of the year. Complex relationship issues, guilt, grief, control issues, dread, harmful belief systems, loneliness, self-criticism, resentments, anxiety, ALL OF IT right there in your face. With all of this emotion on top of our usual and holiday obligations, no wonder moms are feeling overwhelmed.

 

I want to give all of us permission right now to do something powerful and easy, if you allow it to happen.

 

Let it go.

 

That’s right. Just let it go.

 

Ride the wave of emotion. Acknowledge and validate the feelings. Be kind to yourself. Breathe. Breathe again. One more time. Give yourself permission to let them pass. Let it go.

 

Repeat.

 

Holding on to things does you no good. It only robs you of the joy of this moment. This beautiful moment happening around you right now.

What can you let go of this season?

Need some help with this process, email Kacey at Kacey@theradmom.com and ask me how I can help.

Do You Know Who You Are as a Parent and Individual?

Stepping into the crazy world of parenting is the ultimate immersion experience. You’ve prepared, read the books, talked to your friends. You think you have a pretty good grasp of how profoundly different your life will be. Then…the baby arrives. Only now you can truly appreciate the magnitude of what has just happened.

From the moment the beautiful bundle of joy/need/bodily fluids is in your arms, your life is immeasurably different. Although you love your little humans from every cell of your body, finding ways to balance the nurturing demands of Motherhood and identityyour children while keeping the other aspects of your life together and quasi-functioning is just so incredibly… freaking… hard.

We all have periods of parenting where we’re in the weeds. The hefty demands of it all often leave many mothers (and fathers) feeling overwhelmed, lost, and unfulfilled. This life transition can very easily trigger a loss of the sense of self for many women. Hands down, the number one thing I hear from my clients is that during this crazy season of life, she just doesn’t recognize herself anymore- her identity has been sacrificed in the mothering role.

I have the pleasure and honor of working with bad ass women who are seriously not okay with this. They accept the need to redistribute some of their energy on reclaiming their joy and nurturing the self.

Every woman would agree that she is not the exact same person that she was before her children came along. Having kids changes you at your core. I am reminded of the quote by Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh:

“The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.”

Although you have changed, you are not lost. You are evolving. You are opening new layers of identity. Grieving the loss of your former life is normal, healthy, expected. It opens up space and opportunity for discovery and redesign. After becoming a parent, our previously accepted core values, belief systems and our prior pursuits are challenged. However; with every challenge is an opportunity. A beautiful opportunity is occurring for you right now. Right in this moment, you can decide to redefine who you are and you can decide to discover and honor the aspects and activities of life that make you feel alive. Right in this very moment, you can decide to evolve with intention and to begin a whole new chapter of your life filled with authenticity, confidence and joy.

What are you waiting for?

Realistic Expectations for Our Children

[originally posted at MommyNearest]

Realistic Expectations For Our Children

Expectations. Have you ever spent time considering what role expectations plays in your life? A huge one. We have expectations about nearly every aspect of our lives. We don’t make decisions without having expectations around what things will be like and how we will benefit. Woman with child having fun in autumn parkWe have developed a set of rigid expectations about how things “should go,” and then feel disappointed when they don’t.

Expectations for our ourselves

Whether it’s to be “successful,” to not make mistakes, to be liked or to keep things together, we have limiting and rigid expectations that leave little room for, well, humanness. When things don’t go as planned, we can become quite disappointed in ourselves. We become self-critical, cruelly judgmental, ashamed, humiliated and feel worthless or stupid. Just like we have expectations of situations and ourselves, we also expect a lot from our children. (Of course, not all expectations are bad. They can be helpful in clarifying family values, and can clearly show children what is completely unacceptable to us, as I call them: the “hard no’s.” )

Expectations and our children

For many parents, though, the expectations go too far. When we have little awareness around our expectations, they can be extremely limiting for children and cause a great deal of pain. The same feelings we experience when we don’t meet our own expectations (shame, humiliation, self-criticism) can be felt by children when parents bombard them with “shoulds” and “should nots.”

Think of the parents who set the expectation that their children should always be happy. When kids cry or become angry at a situation, parents will do just about anything to make these displays of emotion stop. Perhaps the belief systems of the parents’ own childhoods come into play, but what are we teaching our children when they are sad and we tickle them, or when they are angry and we tell them to stop? We are teaching them that their feelings (other than happy-go-lucky ones) are unacceptable and should be kept to themselves. Children grow up hiding behind a smiling mask, and learning manipulative ways to keep their other emotions at bay. They may feel there is something wrong with them for even having them. Then there are the parents that expect their children to be obedient at all times. There is no respect here for children’s true nature to be curious, to test limits, to individuate, to learn from their mistakes, to learn how to handle failure, to gain confidence from independence and self-determination.

We can be so focused on our expectations that we are blinded when children demonstrate “good” behavior. Because we expect so much, we only notice when the rules are broken, and thus, only acknowledge “bad” behavior. What is the harmful message to children here? I am bad. We must be mindful of this and think about how our expectations help or harm our children, the value of them, and the purposes they serve. Are our expectations guises for control?

In the book, Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting by Myla and Jon Kabat-Zinn, you will find recommendations of questions to ask yourself about your expectations in parenting. They recommend asking:

• Are our expectations realistic and age-appropriate?

• Do they contribute to our children’s growth?

• Are we expecting too much or too little?

• Are we setting our child up to experience unnecessary stress and failure?

• Do our expectations enhance our child’s self-esteem or do they constrict, limit, or belittle the child?

• Do they contribute to a child’s well-being, to his or her feeling loved and cared for and accepted?

• Do they encourage important human values such as honesty, respect for others, and being responsible for one’ s actions?

• Do our children have the room to try out different behaviors?

Living life without expectations is unrealistic and irresponsible parenting. However, when we are able to be mindful and intentional about what we expect out of our children, and let go of the ones that are destructive, something happens in the home. As Kabat-Zinn describes, “The atmosphere in the family becomes lighter, there is a feeling of spaciousness and balance, and room for everybody to grow.”