Four Ways to Stay Rad this Holiday Season

What’s the first thing to come to mind when you think about the approaching holidays? Images of unwrapped gifts, daunting travel plans, overwhelming to-do lists and empty wallets plague your mind? We, especially as parents, have a set of unrealistic expectations Baby trying to smear mothers nose with flour while making christmas cookiesabout what things “should” look like this time of the year and this picture is overwhelming. Here are four ways to rock out this holiday season.  Click each step if you wanna learn more.

 

  1. Simplify

 

Why you are really rocking 4 million twinkling lights in every crevice of your home when, perhaps, 2 million will honor the holiday spirit just fine? Why obsess about giving family 4.9 presents a piece when one or two more thoughtful gifts would be appreciated? (I know, the kids are a whole different story). Must you attend every holiday party in a 100 mile radius? Take a look at your holiday practices and LET GO of as many as you can. Trust me, you’ll feel the relief.

 

  1. Learn to Say No

 

To the requests and demands of others. This is a popular coaching topic for my clients as it can be difficult to stand your ground on setting boundaries. Know what’s important for YOUR family and say no to the things that aren’t truly necessary. Focus on the reasons you are saying no while kicking those thoughts that trigger guilt to the curb.

 

  1. Accept Your Limitations

 

You ‘re crazy-busy for the other ten months of the year. Now add onto the holiday to-do list and it’s obvious that doing “it all” is virtually impossible. Why is this? Because it is virtually impossible. For every parent. It’s okay (and healthy) to accept that we all have limitations.

 

  1. Be Deliberate

 

When you can focus your holiday on what really matters to you, you get to bask in the warm, loving feelings the magical season exudes while drastically lessening the emotional toll. Ask yourself. What 3 things do you want to enjoy the most this holiday season? Focus on the NECESSARY things to make these a reality. Then ask yourself. What 3 things do you not want to be stressed about this year?

 

 

You have the power to make your family’s experience as magical (and relaxed) as you choose. Choose to be intentional this holiday season and see what’s possible!

Making Things Right When We Overreact with Children

[Originally posted at Mommy Nearest]

 

We’ve all been there. We’re sleep deprived, in a rush, stressed to the max. The kids obliterate the house before your hardcore cleaning session pit stains even get a chance to dry. Your toddler screams and wakes up the baby that just required 45 minutes to get down. You feel the anger bubbling over. And then… you lose it. You yell at your child. You spank them. You say something you regret. And then… you feel terrible.

Now what? Do you bank on the fact that kids are forgiving and resilient? Do you buy them a gigantic ice cream cone Mom soothing baby daughteror buy their forgiveness with a toy? Do you…dare I say…apologize?

Openly showing remorse to children is often avoided by parents. However, apologizing to your children offers a unique opportunity to heal the relationship and to teach your children many valuable lessons.

Apologizing for your actions teaches:  

  • About the importance of forgiveness in a healthy relationship and about healthy relational boundaries.
  • That your behavior is not their fault.  People must hold themselves accountable for their own actions, not blame others for their behavior.
  • That feelings are healthy and should be expressed.  An appropriately executed apology teaches that being angry or frustrated or sorry is perfectly okay.  Acting out in a destructive way is the unacceptable part.
  • That no one is perfect.  Adults and children are allowed to make mistakes.
  • That it’s okay to question something an adult has said or done.
  • How to say sorry when they feel remorseful.  We become models for this action and show them what to do with the uncomfortable feelings of guilt, shame and remorse.
  • Respect.  Our apology shows children that they are worth the respect of others, even adults.

Humans are hardwired for emotion- for experiencing and expressing it. It’s perfectly fine (and normal) to feel frustrated or angry with your kids.

When you begin to feel anger (or disappointment, frustration, irritation, anything!), don’t be afraid to express these feelings directly to your kids. This could prevent you from losing your cool, plus, you are speaking volumes to a child about ways to handle their feelings of anger.

The tried and true, “I statement” comes in handy here:

I feel _(frustrated)_

when _(the house gets messy again)_

because_(mommy worked very hard to clean it this morning) .

After you express your frustration, try to get kids on board with coming up with solutions. Don’t forget to reinforce their positive behavior too. Ask, “what do you think we can do about this situation?”.

 

What makes a good apology?

  • Lead with the “I’m sorry” and explain how your behavior was inappropriate.
  • Clarify the child’s feelings in that moment (Did that make you feel scared or sad when mommy yelled?) and validate.
  • Talk about how the situation might be better handled in the future.  For older children, allow them to come up with some solutions of their own.  “How do you think mommy could handle this type of situation if it happens again?”  Or even, “What can we do next time the baby is sleeping and you want to play?”.  It is quite powerful when children feel “bought into” solutions.
  • Try not to focus back on the “trigger” (their misbehavior, e.g.) when you are apologizing as that just excuses your behavior and points the finger back to them.

Interested in learning more about feelings and parenting or Emotion Coaching? I strongly recommend the book, “Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child: The Heart of Parenting” by John Gottman, PhD.

For the Mommas Held Back by Money: Something Just For You…

As I near my baby boy’s first birthday, I am experiencing a range of emotion.  Standing out is this overwhelming feeling of gratitude.  I feel incredibly grateful for having this healthy little angel in my life.  He brings me so much joy and has profoundly enriched the depth of my experience of life.  To celebrate this gift I’ve been given, it only feels right to give back.

Along the way, I’ve met many mommas who are interested in coaching but feel held back from stepping forward Coaching special IIinto action due to their finances.  This is a heart-breaker for me.  In a dream world, no one would ever pay for coaching, but alas, we all have to make a living.  Because I never want money to be the block in taking life-changing action, I’ve decided to offer a one-time coaching package for the mommas who feel held back because of finances.

 

From now until September 10th, the one month, Gold Package (usually priced at $499), is offered for a majorly reduced price.

 

Normally $125 a session, for the next two weeks, I’m giving this package to moms for $79 per session if you buy a group of four.*

That is a savings of $46 per session and a total savings of $183!

 

The Package comes with:

  • 4 Individual 45-min Phone Coaching Sessions (Initial session is one hour)
  • Unlimited Email Exchange
  • Session Notes (a detailed account of what you work on so that you can refer back to your transformation when you need a pick-me-up in the future.)

For those of you who have let money get in the way of your making powerful life changes through coaching, it’s time to take me up on this now because this deep discount is rare.  I’m doing this for you.  My life has been forever changed by coaching and I wish to share that with as many moms as possible.  This is also a great gift for moms in your life who could benefit from coaching.

To sign up, to ask a question or to schedule a free 30 min coaching session to see if we are the right fit, email me at kacey@theradmom.com.

Silence the voice that is creating more excuses.  That voice is fear.

Let’s get started!! 

 

 

 

 

 

Kacey Kaufman, CPC, LCSW-R, ELI-MP, aka The Rad Mom Coach, supports women who are struggling with their experience IMG_5441in motherhood or who just want to regain the sense of balance in their lives. The Rad Mom Coach partners with moms to live more consciously, confidently, authentically and joyfully.    Kacey is a certified professional coach and also a licensed psychotherapist.  Check out website to read testimonials.

 

 

*First session must be scheduled within a month of purchase.  Although you can purchase as many packages you like, only one can be used per individual.

 

Five Lessons Our Children Can Teach Us About Living Mindfully

As a person chasing for the life spent living moment-to-moment, with awareness of mind and judgments, and the skills and knowledge to stay on this path (so I thought, anyway), I am now reminded every single day that I have no idea what I’m doing. Backtrack to one year ago. A cute little mini-human with bright blue eyes entered my life and without even knowing it, put my mindfulness practice to shame. My son has taught me more about the brilliance and simplicity of life than any training or book could ever teach. I have been blessed with nearly 12 months’ worth of day-to-day moments with my baby- moments that inspire me to be the best version of myself. In other words, my baby… is my favorite teacher. He is an 11-month-old professor of mindfulness training and he is inspiring me to finally get a passing grade.

Mindfulness is all about living in the moment, being truly aware of it, without our constantly judging and drifting minds clouding cute little girl in high grassand complicating everything. Babies provide us with countless opportunities to understand what purity of mind really means. They do not yet know much about the ways of the world. And that is their biggest strength.

So, I shall share five of my favorite lessons from the diapered professor:

  1. How to truly live in the present moment.

My son doesn’t worry about things like, how his birthday party will turn out or whether his parental units will feed him those delicious blue little balls or that wretched green mushy stuff. He doesn’t replay playdates and wish he would have spent more time playing in the sprinklers and less in the sand. In fact, he doesn’t worry about anything. Ever. His mind does not wander to the past or future but takes place in the only period of time that truly matters- the present. He lives 100% in the moment, soaking in loads of information about his surroundings and taking it all in. That’s it. He lives completely in the now.

2.   Non-Judgment

Babies don’t have opinions about every damn thing under the sun like adults do. They understand that things just are the way they are. And there is nothing “wrong” with any of it. Things just are. No need to evaluate your surroundings or make comparisons. Live and let live, people!

3.   Not to be so attached to outcomes

Babies aren’t attached to things being a certain way. They don’t use words like “should” or “shouldn’t. They have no desire to try to be so damn perfect all of the time because they realize that perfection doesn’t actually exist. It’s just made up, stupid adult stuff.

4.    How to be Authentic

Babies don’t feel the need to explain themselves. They don’t modify or filter their behavior to look a certain way to others. They don’t alter themselves for anyone. Ever. They are the ultimate non-conformists. What you see is what you get. Just love me for me and I’ll do the same for you.

5.    That everything is FREAKING AMAZING

My son can have a balls-to-the-wall, great freaking time with a spatula. That spatula is FREAKING AMAZING. He studies a fuzz ball with wonderment and can appreciate the beauty the “mundane” aspects of life, like how the couch cushion feels on his tongue. He strives to learn from every situation he’s in. He knows that any object or person is his teacher and is always open to learning new things- things that we, silly adults, just miss.

Witnessing my son navigate the world around him in his pure, uninhibited way is one of my greatest sources of inspiration and an aspect of parenthood that I appreciate the most. I can only strive to return this favor to him by doing my part in helping him hold onto his beautifully pure qualities as best he can as the world shapes and molds him into the adult person he is meant to become. Until then, I will be right next to him on the floor, trying my best to appreciate all of life’s freaking amazingness.

What is Rad Mom Coaching? FAQ’s

When I meet someone new, I am often met with a set of questions about my work as a life and transition coach. Everyone has heard of life coaches; however, few are familiar with what a coach actually does. As a growing field, many untrained people are calling themselves “coaches” to capitalize on the increasing demand. However, a coach should be trained by an accredited school and certified to practice. I feel a tremendous responsibility to spread the word about this powerful field and clarify the roles and scope of work of a coach. Here are some of my most common questions:

 

What is the difference between coaching and psychotherapy?

As a licensed psychotherapist and certified professional coach, I could spend an hour answering this question but let me explain in simple terms.

When we’re talking about a high-functioning individual (without a mental health diagnosis that interferes with their ability to function), I have found that this explanation sums it up perfectly:

 

Therapy is designed to move a person from DYSFUNCTIONAL to FUNCTIONAL.

Coaching is designed to move a person from FUNCTIONAL to OPTIMAL.

 

When you finish a coaching session, you feel inspired, motivated and ready to take action. Coaches know how to tap into your strength, not seek out what is “wrong”.

A common misconception is that coaches are advice-givers. A well-trained coach knows that the client is the only person who truly Life Coachingknows what’s best for them. Coaches will uncover what the client deeply knows by asking powerful questions; they don’t tell you what to do.

What is Rad Mom Coaching?

Coaching narrows the gap between where you are and where you want to be in your life.

Many coaches focus their work on setting goals with their clients and helping to hold the client accountable for reaching milestones. Although important, there is something missing with this type of coaching. With my years of experience as both as coach and a psychotherapist, I have developed a passion for uncovering the hidden, more meaningful substance which I call the “inner work”. Before you can take action in realizing your goals, you have to be clear on what exactly it is that you want and what is getting in your way. Examples of “inner work” are:

  • Rediscovering who you are as an individual (now that you are a mother) while uncovering your dreams and passions.
  • Finding out what gives you joy.
  • Uncovering what you want your life to actually look like.
  • Becoming more conscious about your thoughts and actions.
  • Identifying what is/has gotten in your way by uncovering and eliminating the things that are keeping you stuck.

In conjunction with this transformational and profoundly deep work, we move our moms forward to take powerful, purposeful and consistent action that lasts.

 

What types of things do you work on?

My Rad Moms come to me for a wide range of goals on which to work. Some are:

  • Struggling with finding fulfilling life-balance.
  • Feeling guilty, disconnected, ashamed, lost, isolated, disenchanted, powerless, judged, etc.
  • Missing things about her life prior to having kids.
  • Feeling as though her spirit and identity have been stripped.
  • Having no clue where to start in regaining her identity, joy, and fulfillment.
  • Failing to give herself enough self-love.

 

What are the deets?

The style of my coaching is much like my personality- uniquely empathic and intuitive, high-energy and fun-loving with plenty of humor, a splash of edge and a whole lotta heart. Sessions are purchased in packages and provided weekly (usually).  All coaching is provided over the phone from the privacy of your own home for the convenience of my mommas’ busy schedule.  I look for clients who are motivated and ready to challenge themselves to make the changes they need to live a life of joy and fulfillment.

 

If you have any other questions, please feel free to email me at Kacey@theradmom.com and I’d be happy to offer more information.

 

Have a rad day, mommas!