[Ever write an entire blog without saving it and then logging back onto your computer to post only to find that it is missing and not listed in the trusty “document recovery” section of Word but then it magically appears there two weeks later? Weird! Me too! So if this post seems like it was written a few weeks ago, that’s because it totally was.] So, without further ado…
At one point or another, I hear from every coaching client that they sometimes find themselves being short and reactive with their little ones. Snapping at their husbands. Feeling moody or just blah. I often hear the words, something is just missing in my life. Aaaaaand I’ve felt it.
My little guy has had two back-to-back illnesses so lately we’ve spent A LOT of time at home. Taking him to outdoor space hasn’t been an option due to the snow-slush-ice-bullshit EVERYWHERE (hostility? Naah. ). So, we have cancelled all of our activities (therefore my daytime adult interaction), take treacherous and brutally slow and slippery walks over mounds of said bullshit just to get out of the house and make the best of it.
Sometimes self-awareness doesn’t come quite as quickly as we’d like. Sometimes you don’t notice until the tears start rolling or the screams start detonating (or until you realize you haven’t brushed your teeth/hair or changed out of your pajamas until 3PM- not that I can relate to this in any possible way) that something needs to change.
We all get very engrossed in our lives. So much so, that it can be difficult to remember to take a moment to do a self-check.
Ask yourself, “how am I doing?”- just like you might regularly ask a loved one.
Chances are, if you are feeling totally overwhelmed, stuck, reactionary, temperamental, unfulfilled, disengaged, etc., your answer to that question might surprise you.
The next question I have for you is:
When is the last time you attended to your OWN needs? When did you last do something to nurture your soul, your body, your spirit?
The messages we’re being sent when we are acting so out of character are often that we aren’t taking care of our own needs. You all know what happens when we don’t allow for mommy time. We become the less-than-amazing mommies that we all strive to be. We snap at our children a little easier and aren’t as present in our relationships. We are more negative. We struggle with motivation. And the list goes on and on.
What would it feel like to take a walk alone with headphones or just in silence? How would it feel to bring a book or journal to the coffee shop for a half hour… ALONE? What would a night out with the girls or your partner do for your mood? A meditation or yoga class? A mani-pedi? When is the last time you allowed for some kind of self-expression?
There are endless ideas to consider when thinking of restorative, “me” time. And it all doesn’t have to cost money. Perhaps ask your partner to watch the little ones for a half hour. Or ask another mommy to swap a few hours sitting one another’s kiddos. I’m sure she could use some alone time too!
We have to open our minds for solutions and sometimes get creative. It’s easy to focus on the problem of “not enough (time, money, friends, babysitters, etc).” when the truth is that if you really value self-care (and I HOPE YOU DO!), and you stop making excuses then you will make this happen in some way.
So stop making excuses. Stop ignoring your own needs. You are more than a momma. You are a person who has her own needs and deserves time to herself. Working or SAHM. Let’s all remember to check in with ourselves and nurture the complex individual women that we sometimes forget we are.