FAQ #2: What Challenges does a Coach Address?
This question is asked ALL THE TIME and I always have a take a moment and breathe before I answer. Depending on who is asking this question, they tend to have a general set of assumptions about motherhood and may not understand the complexity of this experience.
Anyone who has worked with me can tell you how big I am on conceptualizing “seasons of parenting”. To look at the challenges associated with motherhood, one really must understand the context behind these challenges.
Look at a brand-new mother. Not only is she sleep-deprived, hormonal and learning how to take care of a brand-spankin’ new HUMAN LIFE (and all of the countless and extreme stressors that come with keeping a human alive!) but just about every aspect of her life has changed. This is a particularly hard “season” for an individual. She might be consumed with guilt, struggling with body image issues, socially isolated, confused about the next career move, and feeling enormous pressure to “do it all”. Her marriage might be strained. She might feel as though she’s lost in the shuffle. She might be coping with hard feelings surrounding her birth experience or struggling with a particularly challenging baby. She often feels stuck, completely overwhelmed and lonely as hell. She’s comparing herself to the things she reads or the other moms who seem to have it all together. She also might be grieving the loss of her prior life.
Now let’s look at a mom who has a second child (refer to above) who also now feels torn in half by caring for the emotional needs of her older child as well. She also has to contend with the dynamic between the two (or more) children even more so as they develop. Talk about overwhelm and mommy guilt! Having one baby never seemed so easy.
Let’s process the working mom. Due to our society’s pressure on women, she never feels good enough. It feels impossible to meet all of the demands on her and rarely feels 100% (or even 80) in any one area of life. Life-balance is a CONSTANT struggle and down-time is scarce. She might despise her job. Mom guilt is real for many working moms.
Stay-at-home moms deal with their own set of challenges, many having to do with the social isolation, decrease in mental stimulation and lack of adult conversation. She is bombarded by need all day and night. The biggest challenge for many of my SAHM’s directly relate to identity. Who is she now that her prior career feels so far away? How does she maintain a sense of self with this constant togetherness and lack of space? It can be very difficult to recognize personal accomplishment and productivity during this season, especially when finishing a single task feels so damn impossible.
Let’s zip forward to when the kids don’t need us as much. Especially when they begin, oh god don’t say it… driving. Being a parent of a teen is hard enough. Knowing how to navigate the attitude without being constantly hurt by it. Knowing how much to push and how much to retreat. Knowing how much emotional support and understanding to give without triggering them to pull away. The worry. God, the worry. The sadness (or elation!) knowing they will be soon off to college. Any parent in it will tell you how uniquely f’ing hard the teenage season is. For many, especially SAHM’s or parents who perhaps have neglected their own emotional needs for years, will really struggle personally with the space that is opening when the kids are more independent. Who am I now that my kids don’t need me as much?
I think you get the point. There is a very specific set of challenges in each season of parenting along with the wonderful set of gifts.
There are also common themes on which I coach my rad moms that transcend the seasons:
-Feeling unfulfilled
-Disconnected to any sense of self
-Relationship issues (a biggie)
-Unhappiness or confusion around career
-Unsure what she wants in her life
-Feeling paralyzed to make changes
-Unsure about whether she wants a bigger family
-Overwhelming stress
-Low confidence
-Body Image issues
-Social isolation or loneliness
-Lack of passion
-Navigating a global pandemic (let’s not forget that little gem. that was fun.)
I tried to tell you this question is a doozy! I could ramble on all day about the types of things I work on with my mammas. To me, though, the range of challenges my clients bring symbolizes the complexity of the human experience. We are beautifully complicated beings and I’m truly honored to be a part of each growth story that comes my way.
If you think coaching might be able to help you, let’s have an easy, no pressure chat. Set it up by emailing kacey@theradmom.com. I can’t wait to meet you.
