For the Mamas Still Trying to Get By

Well here we are- March again.  It’s hard to not look back and reflect as March rolls in on what this past year has forced upon us.  I find myself thinking back at the fear, the desperation, the anxiety of Spring 2020 and the impossible demands of parenting that were thrust upon us.  It was one year ago where I began processing my own struggles as a mom during COVID, eventually releasing them in THIS POPULAR POST.  I was entirely humbled and absolutely blown away by the hundreds of responses I received after posting it and am still shocked that it continues to be shared by people from over 55 countries.  Having my words touch people so deeply was new territory for me.  After asking myself why my thoughts were being embraced by so many other women, I realized.  We were dying for a raw, honest voice: mothers from across the globe were not being heard and the struggles of moms everywhere were left unseen and underappreciated.  The impact this pandemic has had on mothers is enormous.  So, a year later, I decided to check in and follow up with my fellow mamas both for my own personal growth and to continue to connect with other women who intimately know the struggle.

Let’s take a trip, shall we ladies?  Imagine your life last March, when things were so raw and new and the fear was so real.  Close your eyes for a second and really feel that.  Let’s go back to that time when we were frantically sanitizing our groceries and letting our mail sit for days before opening it.  My NYC and Cali mamas know, firsthand, how traumatic it was to be sitting at ground zero during a time when so little was known about the virus.  I can close my eyes and feel the intense collective anxiety I felt everywhere I went.  I picture the times I was forced to go to the store because scoring an appointment for grocery delivery was like scoring an appointment for the COVID vaccine.  The anxiety in the stores was dark and overwhelming.  It was f’ing surreal.  We weren’t only drowning in worry, though.  We were simultaneously slammed by a sudden wave of debilitating and suffocating demands new (and also not new) to mothers.  We somehow powered-through handling our own responsibilities on top of the constant and relentless need around us.  There was the initial (understandable) shitshow of virtual learning and figuring out how the hell to work from home with constant interruption and chaos.  We had to be there emotionally for our kids who were confused and needed us more than ever.  We tried SO hard to stay somewhat organized and we were bruised and battered from the constant battle for a cleanish house (personal fail alert!).  We also fought the good fight for hand sanitizer, groceries and TP.  We developed hand sanitizer, grocery and TP hoarding problems.  We watched tutorials on how to sew our own facemasks (fail alert) which we really didn’t even need because we did not leave the confines of our freaking walls.  We lost jobs or took pay cuts and worried about how we would afford rent and mortgages.  We moved.  We cried in our bathrooms.  Some of us experienced loss on top of everything else. We treaded water all day, kicking desperately to keep our noses above the surface.  We drank and ate more.  We felt we had no choice but to blatantly ignore our own needs and the needs of our marriages.  We tried so, so hard to count our blessings.  We listened to others talk about how shutdowns were such great opportunities to learn new skills, read good books and start fun hobbies.  We wanted to strangle those sons of bitches.

But guess what, ladies.  We f*%king made it.

Are we out of the woods?  No.  Things are still SO very sucky.  Let’s get real.  But the earth-shattering intensity of last March, my tribe, is over.  We made it through that horrible period of serious survival-mode.  We survived that hell.  And I know I’m proud of that.  And you should be proud too.

What are things like for my coaching clients now?   Are we all good now?  Got this pandemic life by the balls?  ABSOLUTELY NOT.  Moms are still feeling it.  Hard.  We are STILL stretched so thinly, it feels like we are failing in every area.  We are still being asked to do the impossible.  We are guilty af and emotionally fragile.  We are personally neglected.  We are isolated and lonely.  My clients are still focusing not on thriving during motherhood (like we normally would be) but on merely surviving in one piece.   When you think about it, there is a little more space in March 2021.  We know how to keep our families safe and the initial shock of having everything we knew stripped from us has worn off.  But things are still pretty rough out there.  But now, unlike a year ago, we can see the light.  We see the end in sight.  Is it a linear path to returning to our lives?  Who knows.  But some normalcy is coming. 

For many, every single day feels so desperate that they don’t even know how they can get through to better days.  They are still crying in bathrooms.  Mothers have been hit so incredibly hard during this pandemic.  Thanks to some phenomenal reporting done by the NY Times, this is finally getting the attention we so desperately needed last spring.  There is even a Primal Scream Line where you can call and leave a message to unload or just unleash your best cathartic scream.  Pure brilliance. We have become seen.

We have so much to be proud of.  Such a crazy story to tell.  We have made it through unimaginable pressure.  We have each earned badges of badassery.  Soon the demands will slowly ease and we will feel a bit of space open up inside.  We will be able to focus on healing, on reclaiming joy and regaining life balance.  We will have space to work on our relationships.  We can connect to our passions and rediscover our own identities.  We will begin to thrive again.  We are almost there, my loves.  In the past year, we have been through waves of lows and lower lows.  We can make it to the end of this.

We are currently accepting individual and group clients for Rad Moms wherever on the survive-to-thrive spectrum you find yourself.  Contact me at kacey@theradmom.com.

If you or someone you love may be experiencing suicidal thoughts, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Line at 1-800-273-8255.  You are worth fighting for.

Kacey Kaufman, AKA the Rad Mom Coach, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and a Certified Professional Coach.  She lives in a NYC suburb with her husband, Jeremy, and their three crazy ass kids.  To learn more about the Rad Mom Coach, visit: www.theradmom.com.